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Joke : A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower, and realized that his clothes were missing. While searching around for them, he accidentally locked himself out of the locker room, and he found himself completely naked in the halls of the world`s most powerful military organization HQ. But, luckily, no one was around to see him.So, he ran as fast as he could to the elevator. When it arrived, it was empty. He breathed a sigh of relief and got in. When the doors opened on his floor, there was no one waiting outside. `This must be my lucky day,` he said to himself. He was now only a few yards from his office.Suddenly, he heard footsteps coming from around the corner. He heard the General`s voice. There was no way he`d make it to his door in time, so he ducked into the closest office available, and found himself in the laboratory for Research & Development. The Head Scientist looked up from one of her experiments with puzzled interest.The soldier thought quickly, stood up straight and saluted.`I am here to report the partial success of the Personal Invisibility Device,` he said.`I see,` the Head Scientist said. `But the Shrink Ray seems to be working perfectly.`

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Joke : An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass. The CO says: - Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition! So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked: - How did you do it? - Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, `Do you want to get a three-day pass?` So we exchanged tanks!

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Title : ARMY JOKE Joke : Question: How do you stop a Polish army on horseback? Answer: Turn off the carousel.

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Joke : Billy`s homework assignment is to think of a true story with a moral so he goes home and thinks about it all night and finally has one. The following day, Suzy raises her hand first and says, `My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road.` The teacher asks for the moral to the story. Suzy replies, `Don`t put all your eggs in one basket.` Next is Lucy. `Well, my dad owns a farm, too, and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched. The moral is, don`t count your chicks before they are hatched.` Billy is last to speak. He says, `My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam War. His plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed, with only a parachute, a bottle of bourbon, a machine gun, and a machete. As he floated down he drank the bottle of bourbon. Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of 100 North Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but ran out of bullets so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. The blade broke on his machete, so he killed the last 10 with his bare hands.` The teacher looks in shock at Billy and asks if there is possibly any moral to his story. Billy replies, `Don`t f**k with my Uncle Ted when he`s been drinking.`

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Title : BIRD BRAIN Joke : A Polish, English, and French guy are running away from the German soldiers when they come up to a forest and they decide to hide by each climbing a tree. When the Germans arrive, they go to the first tree where the English guy is, and shout, `We know you`re up there; come down.` The English guy, thinking fast, says, `Tweet, tweet, tweet...` The Germans, thinking that it`s a bird, move on to the next tree where the French guy is and once again shout, `We know you`re up there; come down.` The French guy, thinking fast, says, `Hoot, Hoot, Hoot...` The Germans, thinking that it`s an owl, move on to the next tree where the Polish guy is and once again shout, `We know you`re up there; come down.` The Polish guy thinks for a while and then says, `Moo, moo, moo...`

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Joke : Jesus Christ is dying on the cross, his disciples are gathered around, crying. Peter looks up and notices that Jesus seems to be calling him, `Peter, come hither!` Immediately Peter rushes over to the cross, only to be hit severely over the head by the roman guard. He gets on his feet again and wants to return to the other disciples when he hears Jesus calling again, `Peter, come hither!` So, again Peter tries to climb the cross to get to his lord, when the roman soldier draws his sword and chops Peter`s arm off. Peter is getting a little pissed and wants to go back to his buddies, but again Jesus summons. The roman guard can`t believe that Peter is trying yet AGAIN to climb to the cross, and chops off another arm. Peter is now covered in blood and demented from the blow to the head and wants to call it a day. Jesus hoarsly croaks, `Peter, please, come to me!` By now, the roman gurad is tired of chopping limbs, so he lets Peter be. The faithful disciple struggles to climb the cross (without arms mind you) and after a long while he finally arrives at his Lord`s side. Hurting, suffering, bleeding, Peter looks into his Master`s eyes and asks, `yes, my Lord. What is it?` Jesus smiles lovingly and looks off into the distance as a weak smile plays across his face, `Look Peter, I can see your house from here!`

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Joke : The soldier serving in Hong Kong was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back. He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying, `I regret to inform you that I cannot remember which one is you -- please keep your photo and return the others.`

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