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Joke : - `I have good news and bad news`, the defense lawyer says to his client. - `What`s the bad news?` The lawyer says: - `Your blood matches the DNA found at the murder scene.` - `Dammit!` cries the client. `What`s the good news?` - `Well,` the lawyer says, `Your cholesterol is down to 140.`
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Title : 6 children
Joke : A woman had 6 children, all of them boys. So, one day a magazine sent a journalist to her house for an interview.
He asked her about the boys and what their names were; she sid:
- Kevin.
- Right - he said - what about that blond one over there?
- Kevin, she said.
- Oh, and the tall one with the freckles?
- Kevin, she said.
- Well, and the little chubby one with the baseball cap?
- Kevin, she said.
- Are all your boys called Kevin? - he asked - isn\`t that terribly complicated?
- Not at all - she said - it makes everything very easy, actually. When I shout: Kevin, tea is ready!, they all
come. When I say: Kevin, it\`s time for bed!, they all go to bed.
- I see. But what if you want only one of them?
- No problem - she answers - Then I call them by their surnames.
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Joke : A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less then his wife did.
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Title : A REALLY LONG BOX
Joke : A Polish man went to a carpenter and asked, `Can you build me a box that is two inches high, two inches wide, and fifty feet long?`
`Hmm...` mused the carpenter. `It could be done, I suppose, but what would you want a box like that for?`
`Well, you see,` said the Pole, `my neighbor moved away and forgot some things, so he asked me to send him his garden hose.`
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Title : ACCIDENT
Joke : Did you hear about the terrible automobile accident last night? A Polish family on vacation lost all of their children. The pickup truck they were riding in ran off the road into a lake and sank to the bottom. The parents got out of the cab OK but all the kids in the back drowned; they couldn`t get the tailgate open.
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Title : BAG BET
Joke : A Polish man was walking down the street carrying a brown paper bag. He ran into one of his buddies, who asked,
`Hey! What`s in the bag?`
The man tells his friend that he has some fish in the bag. His friend says,
`Well, I`ll make you a bet. If I can guess how many fish you have in the bag, you`ll have to give me one.`
The man says, `I`ll tell you what. If you tell me how many fish I have in this bag, I`ll give you both of them.`
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Title : BIRD BRAIN
Joke : A Polish, English, and French guy are running away from the German soldiers when they come up to a forest and they decide to hide by each climbing a tree.
When the Germans arrive, they go to the first tree where the English guy is, and shout, `We know you`re up there; come down.` The English guy, thinking fast, says, `Tweet, tweet, tweet...`
The Germans, thinking that it`s a bird, move on to the next tree where the French guy is and once again shout, `We know you`re up there; come down.`
The French guy, thinking fast, says, `Hoot, Hoot, Hoot...` The Germans, thinking that it`s an owl, move on to the next tree where the Polish guy is and once again shout, `We know you`re up there; come down.`
The Polish guy thinks for a while and then says, `Moo, moo, moo...`
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Title : BODY COUNT
Joke : A 747 recently crashed in a cemetery in Poland. Polish officials have so far retrieved 2000 bodies.
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Title : Chinese and Jew
Joke : Chinese and Jew sit side by side while flying a plane.
Suddendly Jew says:
- I hate Chinese!
- Why? - astonished his fellow-traveller.
- Because you attacked Pearl Harbour!
- But Pearl Harbour was attacked by Japanese, not Chinese!
- Oh, Chinese, Japanese - it does not matter!
After awhile Chinese who has felt offended says:
- I hate Jews!
- Why? - asks Jew.
- Because Jews sank Titanic!
- Jews sank Titanic? But it was an iceberg!
- Iceberg, Goldberg or any other Jew - it does not matter!
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Title : Man in a hot air balloon
Joke : A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost.
He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below.
He descended a bit more and shouted, `Excuse me, can you help me?
I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don`t know where I am.`
The woman below replied, `You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.`
`You must be an engineer,` said the balloonist.
`I am,` replied the woman. `How did you know?`
`Well,` answered the balloonist, `everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you`ve not been much help so far.`
The woman below responded, `You must be in management.`
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Joke : `Mommy, mommy, I don`t wanna see grandma!``Shut up and keep digging!`
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